The Luxury Of Nothing

Here's a few words about how losing everything isn't necessarily the end.

recent posts

about

Hi! I’m Peks, and this blog is my compass wrapped up in the truth. A few months ago, I lost my wife, my home, and then my job, too. Now I’m on a journey to find them all again. For years, I let fear be what motivates me. I let myself shrink in the face of it, I let myself become someone who avoids the truth because of it. I made mistakes with money and trust, repeatedly. And these mistakes cost me everything. This isn’t a sob story. This is a turning point. A decision. A promise. This blog is for today and for tomorrow. This blog is for me. And if you’ve ever been in a similar situation. If you’ve ever felt like the ground beneath your feet is wobbly, or gone altogether. If you’ve ever lost the love of your life because of the mistakes you’ve made. If you’d do anything in order to become the person who’d never lose them again. Then this blog is for you, too. Just like me, you owe it to yourself. And to the people who love you and still hope for you. So, welcome and thank you for being here. – Peks If you ever want to reach out for any reason – feel free to do so at 3minfin@gmail.com. I will always do my best to answer everyone.

The Inconspicuous Magic Of Google Sheets

What exactly do you do when you’ve lost the love of your life, lost your source of income, and are in debilitating debt, serious to the point that your bank account is empty and you still have to find $2000 by the end of the week? YOU GOOGLE SHEETS’ THAT MOFO!

And that MOFO was Google Sheeted indeed.

See, it’s not about magic or a miracle as much as it’s about taking control. And right now, after barely finding the will to get up each morning, taking control of anything at all is an oasis in my desert of solitude.

So, no – filling rows and columns with numbers significant to our story and my mistakes did not help me find the extra bucks needed to get by. And, if I have to be brutally honest with myself, you and the reality – it didn’t even help me feel better. But it gave me a sense of control. It helped me get a better grasp of the chaos and a clearer view of the big picture. And if today the big picture scares me shitless – maybe, just maybe, tomorrow it will help me stay on the only path forward. I am where I am because of the never-ending financial strain I caused my wife and myself.

Fear will have to take the backseat.

I’m Still Angry At You For Leaving Me

‘And, I know that you’re still angry at me for making you leave me. But, I bet you’d be proud of me if you saw me doing all the things I’ve been doing.’

So I’m going to continue doing just that. I drafted a budgeting sheet today that will help me get on top of my finances, just as she helped me all these years. The numbers don’t matter as much right now, there’s nothing I can do about the numbers – the price will be stress and hunger for a few nights. And that’s okay. What isn’t okay is that she asked me this morning whether I have enough food and I lied. Can I spreadsheet the lies away forever? I’ll try.

It took me a few hours. Admittedly, more than I expected. And, the result is definitely nothing to write home about, but I know that having even this one, small piece of structure will help me. One foot ahead of the other will get me where I need to be.

If you’re reading these ramblings of a sadman, and you find that you can relate, I have put the sorry result of my efforts on Gumroad – it’s a budget sheet for the remainder of 2025, and you can have it – I hope it someday helps someone like it’ll help me.

Weirdly enough, I’m starting to feel better, even if just about the possibility. The possibility of a basic spreadsheet helping a stranger, the possibility that some structure in my life will save me, albeit slowly, and the possibility of a future it entails.

“Avada Kedavra,” I whispered while squinting at the table of my debt.

While working on it today, I was reminded about how being lonely and feeling lonely are not always the same. And while it’s often okay to be lonely, no one should feel that way. So, if for some reason you’re feeling lonely – I’m here. Talk to me. Write me an email, or even just a comment. Don’t feel lonely and don’t be a stranger!

Until next time,
– Peks

Posted in

Leave a comment